Tuesday, 29 December 2009


Apparently i am not real. I am the product of my friends. Also i'd be hot if i was more normal.

Normal being blonde hair and a tan (Rocky Horror, anyone??)

Although the gentlemen i encountered Saturday, i doubt would appreciate Rocky Horror. I am beautiful, apparently, and they would have sex with me. Its just a shame i'm not normal.

So i ask, what is normal?

Am i not because i have dyed red hair, pale skin and i happen to dress like a character from Tim Burton, with a bit of Wayward Victorian thrown in. Saturday night was BettleJuice. How, could these boys not undestand that this is normal for me. I am not a copy. I am just trying to be me... find who i am..

WHAT IS NORMAL?? Not me... apparently :/

Thursday, 17 December 2009


Here i am, sitting all alone. I hate it. I'm a grown up. I should be able to be on my own without crying. Why is it i am so needy?

Wednesday, 16 December 2009


Why can i talk to my counsellor about things i would never dare mention to my mother and friends? Why am i such a screwed up mess?? Why am i writing this? No one will read it..

I don't care... my counsellor is the best...

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

I like someone who is a little crazy but coming from a good place. I think scars are sexy because it means you made a mistake that led to a mess, but you made it through.
Angelina Jolie

Scream all you want...

Inside i am screaming, i never let it out, i don't want to cause a scene, but you see now i'm worried.... What if when i finally do let the scream out, will i ever be able to stop?

A poem

Broken into a million pieces,
Shattered by the weight of it all,
Screaming so loud,
But i know i'll still fall,
Given up on way too young,
"Nothing good will ever come from this one"
A stronger girl would have proved you wrong,
I just sit and wallow in the dark,
Waiting for someone to pull me out,
Not knowing how long i can hold on,
Spent my life trying to be good,
Then why is it i don't deserve your love?,
One day i will just fade away,
That will be my happiest day.

The view from the outside.

What did i do?

Why do they do this to me?

You deserve it...

Do i? Is that it? I don't think so.. you see what it is they finally saw the real me and didn't like what was looking back at them. I was the person they walked all over, i was thier doormat. Now, i'm broken... Woops.. that was not supposesed to happen!

Sew that girls mouth shut!! She has no right to be human. She is our doll... she sits, she listens, she comes when she called..

A doll?!?! No, she is a our pet.. and when she is bad she will be shut outside, in the cold...

Now i sit and look in on thier world.. i don't like the view... it was nicer inside.. warmer... faker...

Nurse, get the needle. Time to sew my mouth shut again.