Why is it that when i feel sad, i close off?
I can't open my mouth and tell people i'm upset. The words just won't come out. And i can't cry in front of people. I hate being comforted... i am fucked up...
I just need to live in a little cottage in a vast forest, with my cat and my books. Maybe a few art supplies. OH and teabags... i feel i could be happy. No else to make happy, or convince i'm happy. No one i need put on a fake smile for.
I just feel numb... a have no time for people, not even my mother. I would like nothing more than to fade away into nothing... this worries me so much, as i fear it won't be long Ana raises her ugly head. In my worst days with her, its was due to my great desire to fade away from existence.
I am just going round and round in a horrid circle... and i'm not when it will stop. If it ever will. That is the most depressing thought of all. This is who i am??