Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Blah, blah, blah...

Why is it that when i feel sad, i close off?
I can't open my mouth and tell people i'm upset. The words just won't come out. And i can't cry in front of people. I hate being comforted... i am fucked up...
I just need to live in a little cottage in a vast forest, with my cat and my books. Maybe a few art supplies. OH and teabags... i feel i could be happy. No else to make happy, or convince i'm happy. No one i need put on a fake smile for.
I just feel numb... a have no time for people, not even my mother. I would like nothing more than to fade away into nothing... this worries me so much, as i fear it won't be long Ana raises her ugly head. In my worst days with her, its was due to my great desire to fade away from existence.

I am just going round and round in a horrid circle... and i'm not when it will stop. If it ever will. That is the most depressing thought of all. This is who i am??

1 comment:

  1. Wow. When I read that you want to fade away, it gave me a jolt. I can't even count the number of times I've wished this same thing. I don't know if anything I'd say would mean much, as we don't know each other (I ran across you blog via The Asylum, btw...), but here's a hug from across the pond. Ride it out. You'll find who you are. Just don't give up on looking.